- me: i swear i'll log off at 8:00
- time: 8:02
- me: woops, gotta wait till 9:00 now
- mom: do you have a boyfriend
- me: yes
- mom: does he exist
- me: yes
- mom: does he know you exist
- me: not yet
i got 99 problems and i can’t remember any of them so i guess that makes a hundred
overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them
I had a better social life when I was like 8 years old than I do now.
third grade was the best year of my life, real talk.
(Source: dad-buscemi)
- me: i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
- me: wakes up march 27th, 2098.
- Person: Rape is just surprise sex.
- Me: Killing you would just be giving you a surprise nap.
